That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
