Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize