Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize