Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
