i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
