apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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