We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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