Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
