it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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