I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
