He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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