You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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