Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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