Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
