So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
