After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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