Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
