He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
