All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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