I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
