So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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