So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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