Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
ttyl tear gas
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
