i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
