So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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