we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
