marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
