...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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