pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
