Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
