So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
