you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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