I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
do nipples grow back?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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