I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
