I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
