when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
