bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
