K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
