Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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