I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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