Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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