You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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