I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize