Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
