it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
