Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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