1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
