I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
