so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
