tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
