i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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