the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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