WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
