im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
