never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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