It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
