dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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