Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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