You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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