apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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