I accidentally had phone sex last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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