First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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