is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I lost the right to judge tonight
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
