it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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