Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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