we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
