I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
