i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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