who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
